We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
