Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
