): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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