the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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