just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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