She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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