I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
