There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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