I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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