As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
