Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
