The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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