so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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