I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
