The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
