This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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