I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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