Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
