i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
