Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
