Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
