then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
