Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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