one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
