my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
