ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
