I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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