he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She even gives head with a lisp.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
