I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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