I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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