This girl is more easily done than said...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
