STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
