Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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