So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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