This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
