i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
