lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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