I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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