my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
nutella sex= disaster
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
