We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
