I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
