Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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