I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i out mim tonsoeep
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
