If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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