I didn't shave. On purpose
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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