i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
