oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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