I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
