I just cut my nipple shaving
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
