I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
