OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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