At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
