I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
