dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
