guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
