I can text with my tongue
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
