Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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