Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
