Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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