He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
where are you?
Hypothermia
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
