Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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