i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
